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Three’s a Charm, and Saving Sofia ~pt. 2~

In my last post I featured the amazing Jen and her beautiful clan.  As I’ve said before, I think Jen is amazing! Not only is she a fabulous mother to her three beautiful children, she, along with her husband and family, have opened their heart to a beautiful little girl half a world away.  Baby Sofia.  Jen has been keeping a blog, Saving Sofia, documenting their journey towards adoption.  Her stories and feelings are poignant and captivating.  I know my feelings of anticipation about bringing Sofia home to her forever family are likely very dim compared to Jen’s, but as I read her blog, I can’t help but feel the anticipation grow within me.  Again, her blog is Saving Sofia, be sure to check it out, their story will inspire you, that I can promise!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

It all started when I decided to take a look at Reece’s Rainbow the night that my Grandma Esther died on December 13th. Reece’s Rainbow is an organization that promotes international adoption of children with Down syndrome. The ministry raises money to offer adoption grants on waiting children. By doing this they are able to give adoptive families the extra financial help they need to bring a child with Down syndrome home from a miserable existence in overseas orphanages.

Grandma Esther had a strong connection with angels and I remembered that there was a Christmas Angel Tree Project going on where you could sponsor an orphan and donate to their grant fund and receive an ornament with their picture on it. I though that this might be a neat tradition to start in our family and eventually through the years we could fill up our tree with these beautiful angel ornaments. I thought that would be a very special way to honor children with Down syndrome. Something all three boys could be proud of but especially Joaquin to see familiar faces on his Christmas tree.

I started browsing the website with Diego and Mateo and we immediately found Sofia. I was drawn to her beautiful face and her name. Then I saw that her birthday was only 19 days apart from Joaquin’s. The boys kept saying “she’s so cute!” I knew she had to be the one. It gave me so much joy to send our donation to Reece’s Rainbow with her name and number on it…Sofia (2).

I had no idea that something so BIG and life changing was being set in motion.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her face. Her tiny bit of information…has Down syndrome, light brown hair, blue eyes, small oval window, no other heart disease. Born on February 21, 2008. That was all I knew of her.

We left for vacation soon after that for 2 weeks. We had a beautiful time in Mexico and it was a great family vacation. Both Hector and I found such joy watching our children play in the surf, sand and sun. We both realized how fortunate we were to have such amazing children. We felt so blessed. I have to confess that I thought of Sofia every single day I was on vacation. Why couldn’t I get her off my mind?

We returned on January 1st from our vacation and waiting for us in the mail was Sofia’s ornament. I quickly opened the package and was thrilled to put her ornament on our Christmas tree. I found so much joy actually placing that ornament on the branch and introduced the family to our special little angel.

On January 3rd, I wrote this post on Three’s A Charm… Our Christmas Tree Angel. I was convinced that there was no way we could actually adopt Sofia. How could we? Our house is small. We’re crazy busy with three active boys. We have limited resources. But there were other strong whispers telling me…she has nothing….she has no one….she is alone in this world…what we have is a mansion compared to the crib she is confined to…we have so much love to give…we have everything she needs.

For days I imagined Sofia in my everyday life. How would she fit in? What would it look like if she were here? Where would she sleep? How would I manage four children…two of them with special needs? And none of it scared me.

I asked the boys casually what they thought of a sister. Diego has ALWAYS wanted a sister so he was fully on board and said with a huge grin “YES!!!!” Mateo also chimed in with “I want a sister too MOM!” When I asked them what they thought of a sister who had Down syndrome like Joaquin, who might need extra attention, who might need extra help…both of them looked at me like “so what?!?”

I took them both over to look at Sofia’s picture on the Reece’s Rainbow website and again got the “oohs” and “ahhs” on how cute she was and then Diego said to me “Mom, look we can buy her…she’s only $865 dollars!” He was looking at her grant money fund…trying explaining that to a 6 year old! So I went into an explanation of adoption and how Sofia has no parents and no home and that a LOT of money has to be raised in order for a family to bring her home. He simply said “Can we bring go get her?”

I finally got the courage to approach Hector with the idea. I was almost certain he would think I was crazy. He told me he knew it was coming (he knows me so well) but had A LOT of concerns about it…all of his concerns were totally realistic, normal, healthy concerns. He is the provider for our family and it’s a huge responsibility taking on another child. He asked for some time to process but he did not close the door. For about two weeks we went back and forth on it and it was a very difficult decision making process for both of us. He knew I was completely on board and ready to move forward with the adoption but I needed his blessing and his support. There was no other way. Without going into too much personal detail, my husband made the most loving, selfless, brave decision and said yes to Sofia. It was a beautiful moment. I’m still in awe and admiration for his capacity to love and trust me on this and for opening his heart to Sofia.

We are taking a GIANT LEAP OF FAITH! And we plan on moving full speed ahead!

Time is NOT on Sofia’s side right now. She is turning two in a couple weeks. She is in a poor orphanage in Eastern Europe and is most likely drinking only tea and broth from a bottle and eating soups. We have no idea how much she is being held, touched, talked to, loved, soothed…it breaks our hearts. We want her home YESTERDAY. I have cried so many tears thinking of her.

Sofia will be the daughter we never had and always longed for in our lives. Sofia will be the youngest of 4 children and will have 3 big brothers to watch over her. Sofia will have a sibling that is “just like her” in Joaquin…they will be a gift to each other…partners in crime, friends for life, a special brother and sister connection. Diego and Mateo will get to experience first hand not only the joy of being touched by siblings with Down syndrome but also the beauty of adopting an abandoned child.

We are thrilled about the journey ahead of us! We know it won’t be easy but nothing in life worthwhile comes easy. We cannot WAIT to bring Sofia home. She needs us and we need her.

~Thanks again Jen, God bless you and your family.

Friday

Today Ellie ripped off her diaper, pooped on my bedroom floor, and dug through her poop with Luke’s toothbrush.

I didn’t take any pictures.

You’re welcome.

Well Child?

This past week I took my little girl to see the family doctor.   I took her in for her well child check.  For some silly reason, I am always a little excited about these appointments.  Our doctor has been my doctor for nearly as long as I can remember.  He saw me when I was young, he’s been my doctor through my pregnancies and the births of my children.  He is now their doctor as well.  When I take my kids to see him for their well child checks, it’s almost like show and tell.  I get to show him how much the kids have grown up, what they have learned, and how darn adorable they are. 

He always sings their praises, acts impressed and amazed at their accomplishments, and asks me sincerely how I’m doing. 

That’s why I was excited.

I couldn’t wait to show him how my adorable baby girl has turned into a spunky little toddler.  My grandma volunteered to babysit my two boys so it was just me and the little princess.  She was perfectly charming and very well behaved while we waited in the lobby.  Then when the nurse weighed and measured her she didn’t put up a fight at all. 

I was thrilled.

Then Dr. O. walked in.  He was excited to see her and immediately commented on how big she had gotten.  Then he playfully got down to business.  “Hey cutie, can you show me where your eyes are?”  I was grinning on the inside because she has known the answer to this basic question since she was a year old. 

She immediately pointed directly to the ceiling in response. 

The ceiling

I quickly piped in saying, “you know this, where are your eyes?” Another enthusiastic point to the ceiling.

He moved on.

Where is your tummy?  She had shown him that trick the previous year when I took her in for her 1-year check-up.  This time she didn’t point to the ceiling, instead she triumphantly slapped her knees.  She had a big grin on her face as I urged her to try again and show Dr. O. where her belly was.  Another slap on the knees.  

I couldn’t believe it.

Finally he asked her where her ears were to which she responded by pinching her cheeks.  I didn’t bother trying to help.  She didn’t say a word the entire time, and spent most of the visit sitting on the exam table with her tongue sticking out.

She was crazy.

By the end of the visit, Dr. O. was explaining what the signs of autism were and what I should be watching out for.

He told me that she should be able to say simple words like cat, and dog among other things.  I tried to assure him that she did, but when I asked her to repeat it she made some unintelligible sound then stuck her tongue back out.

Soon the visit was over and Dr. O. left the room.  Immediately my little princess picked up a magazine, proudly pointed at a picture of a dog and exclaimed “puppy right there!  woof woof!”

Oh well, I guess there’s always next year.

Guilt

Today my baby turns two. 

I can hardly believe it. 

Is it possible that on this very day she has suddenly grown up?  This morning she had a full conversation with my mom on the phone.  It has taken her a long time to develop her speech, so to hear her carrying on a conversation, as simple as it may have been, just about blew me away.  Today her baby girl pig-tails look like little girl pig-tails.  Today she has suddenly transformed from my baby to my little girl.

Crazy.

You may have noticed that I titled this post “Guilt,” at this point, you just might be asking yourself what on earth that has to do with my little girl’s 2nd birthday.  Trust me, the title is appropriate.

When my kids celebrate their birthday, I do my best to make it a special day.  I try to let them do just about anything (within reason) that they want to do.  I try to shower them with praise and love and special attention, and most of all, I try really hard not to get upset with them. 

 Well, unfortunately for both my little girl and me, today hasn’t quite gone as planned.

I have mentioned before that I work from home.  I work from home on my computer.  I don’t have an office, my computer sits on a desk in the middle of the kitchen.  I don’t have a nanny or a housekeeper, or a stay-at-home husband, it’s me. . .at work. . . with my kids. 

Most of the time it works out fabulously.  The kids are great to stay busy putting together legos, playing with their hot wheels, or drawing.  I can step in and referee an argument every now and again, I can change a diaper and refill a sippy cup, and I can hold my baby girl on my lap while I type.

Today is just like any other in the fact that I am once again working.  I am trying hard to make the day special for my little birthday girl, but as I mentioned earlier, today she has transformed.  She has transformed from a baby to a two-year-old, and that has proven itself both good and bad. 

Today instead of letting me hold her on my lap while she just sits there being comforted, she feels the need to repeatedly bang the keyboard with her tiny toddler hand.  Today, on her very special day, she has had three massively foul smelling diapers, she has colored on my dining room table, tried to shave her legs with a razor I was certain was well out of her reach, unfolded every single towel in my house, and threw multiple hand-fulls of noodles on the kitchen floor.

I have done my best to be patient.  I have done my best not to get upset with her, I have done my best not to hate myself because she was able to do many of those random acts of destruction while I was working, but what it comes down to is that I am doing my best. 

So is she.

I am confident that by the time she wakes up from her nap she won’t even remember that I pointed my finger at her and sternly said “No, No!” as she threw the noodles to the floor. . . but I’ll remember, she most likely won’t remember the special pink skirt I, or the  pom pom garland, or the dandelion night light that I have spent hours making her for her special day. . . but I will .  But there is one thing that I hope she does remember, that I love that little girl more than I could ever possibly express.  I love everything about her, ever-single-thing.

Happy Birthday Baby!